Mum Chat | Identical Quadruplet sisters discuss parenting (feat. Becky & Kirsty)

What's your parenting style? Bonus holiday episode! This is the one where two of Emma's sisters join the conversation, and the three mums chat about being parents and share funny toddler stories. Big thanks to our special guests this week: Rebecca Bani and Kirsty Small. The three sisters discuss: who is the strictest mum? What's the weirdest thing you've said out loud as a mum? The most embarrassing thing your child has said in public? What's the strangest thing your child has put in your bag? How would your child describe you? Phone calls to each other when having a parenting crisis... And top tips for mums who are struggling

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Unwind on sleepless nights to a wholesome mix of parenting stories, quirky humour, and cosy crafting. We’re not here to provide answers but to share our experiences, explore how parenting has changed, and build an online community of parents for mutual support.

A fun, honest and unscripted conversation between Emma and Elliot on non-judgemental parenting and millennial-based topics, as we relax on an evening attempting an artistic or creative activity. 

We are a project in partnership with The Kairos Movement and supported by The Methodist Church, of which The Kairos Movement is a part

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 2:10 Main conversation
• 49:00 Ending

Transcript

 Surprise. Welcome to this slightly different episode of Don't Wake the Baby, our Little Parenting podcast Show criticly acclaimed award-winning, uh, or just random thing you happen to click on. Dunno why you're here. I'm Elliot, but I'm not going to be your host for today because it's a special episode.

We've just got back from a big family holiday in the south of France and so didn't get a chance to record a normal episode of the show. But while we were there, I convinced Emma and her sisters to sit down and record, um, uh, a thing. I haven't edited it yet, so I literally have no idea. I know as much as you do about what's going to happen in this episode.

Um, I put a microphone in a room and shut them in, and, uh, they just chatted for, uh, well, I told them 20 minutes and uh, I think it was about an hour in the end. So. We'll see what happens. I'm gonna try and trim down as little as possible and leave it as kind of real and genuine conversation as it was. If you're one of our 50 or so regular listeners here on the podcast, then you'll know that Emma is an identical quadruplets and has lots of sisters, and so it seemed ideal as a few of them were in the same place at the same time.

That we should try and grab them for a moment to talk together about parenting. Whether they stayed on the topic of parenting, uh, we will find out. I have no idea. Knowing Emma left in charge, who knows what happened? So I hope you enjoy this very special recording. There's no particular segments today or usual format.

I. Sit back and relax on your deck chair. Grab a cocktail. Enjoy the warm sun, and uh, leave your kids with your husband, partner, or other person who can take care of them for a bit. Unwind with some fun, honest, and real mum conversation. Here we go. Play the audio.

Today because we're all on holiday. We have Kirsty. Hi, who is the Barnard Castle? Sister Becky, who is the French sister. Oh, I like you knew what was coming and you have more the one who is always here. If you're gonna do accents, I would've done well now then. Right. So we have a quick time, quick amount of time.

Short amount of time. So we've gotta be quick. Can you tell what it's like when Ellie asked to edit the podcast? Oh, um, he normally says things and he goes, what? What am I wanna do with that? Man? I know. You edit. He, nick can chop it together. Good luck, Elliot. We love you. You could have done everyone introduce themselves and say how many children they have.

Oh, yeah. Oh, let's do that. Okay. Becky should run the podcast. Elliot, pretend nothing has happened starting from now. Okay, so I'm Kirsty. I live in Barna Castle. I technically have one. Child that is human, that is a 2-year-old who is like the Tasmanian devil. And I have my fur baby that is a Labrador and she's four.

And people keep telling me, Labrador, settle down. And I'm yet to experience that. And my parenting style is attempted gentle parenting. That ends up sometimes in traditional stricter parenting. Mm-hmm. I think we all fall into that category all the time. Next we have. Becky, I am Becky. I'm returning to the podcast.

We, yes, yes. I'm the French, the French sister. I live just outside of Paris. I have three children. If we're gonna bring animals into it, we'll be here all day. But I have three children and a growing menagerie of animals. Yeah, but not a dog. You can't say no to. Well, I say she can't, her children can't say no to.

Do you want to name your children their ages? Yes. Well, I have three children. My oldest, she's forgotten. There's too many, is Nasim, who's eight. My middle is Za and he's four, and my youngest is Alia and she's almost 10 months. And I would like to say I do gentle parenting maybe 50% of the time. And then when I lose my temper, I lose my temper and I'm very Montessori.

Yeah, with activities and stuff. I'm Emma, a podcast host extraordinaire. Well, did I know you were gonna say extraordinaire? Yeah, I know North York based, uh, we have Lily who is almost four. We keep saying four 'cause she's had a birthday and she's convinced she's four. By the time she told me she's four, but Yeah, but I mean, she's had a birthday party, she thinks she's four.

And Lola, who is seven months now. We like Waldorf Van Montessori. We try gentle parenting, but we do have like times outs and things. 'cause sometimes I reach my limits and I can't take it anymore. Now I have some questions. Who's the strictest mom and who's the softie? Oh, I think Becky's the strictest.

Yeah, I think I have, but I think I don't have a choice. You have too many children Be strict. I think I have too many children to not be strict. It has to be very structured. Um, and I've boys. You both of girls. Some people may not experience this, some people may have boys and they might be very gentle boys.

No, as it my oldest, if he was alone, he'd be perfect. Or when him and his brother are together, whirlwind something, overcomes them and you just have to raise your voice a lot and be like, come on guys. It would be serious. We often say it's me, Elliot, that were like, oh, there can be gentle boys. But we're like, but all our friends who have boys don't seem to have that experience.

I think it's more that they have like a loud. Kind of games. And then I think as well, who knows? But it's just you often have to raise your voice and be like, come on, we are getting off topic. Sorry. Yes. I think I'm the strictest, I think. Who do you think is the softest? I really think it's a toss up between us two.

Yeah. I think it depends on, depends the subject. Yeah. Because there's certain things that kirsty's like that's the I have some hard rules. Yeah. And I have some things where I'm like, ah, it doesn't really matter. And sometimes I'm like, for an easy life. Today, this is allowed because I can't take it today.

I think it's probably a draw. I think they're probably the same. Maybe a push I, I think Emma's slightly softer, but I think because Rob, tell Rob makes you cannot allow this and I listen. Yeah. So I would say. Only slightly can enforce it more and be like, no, we asked to in this rule, Ellie is the stricter one, and he's rightly so.

It's just that like Lola's not in her own cot because I'm like, it's a lot of work to get her in her own cot, which is why I think you might be slightly softer. Yeah, because, because Sophie was never was in always Sophie bed, but Lily was. I look now, I think when you're your second one, you think you get worn down, you're already tired.

Because I remember when we first had this baby Elliot, it was like, we're gonna do what we did with Lily. Gonna be the row cop. I was like, yeah, sure thing buddy. Two weeks in. And we were like, she's in the bed. By time you get to see us Hood, you're just so exhausted. You're just like, okay. But yeah. What's the weirdest thing you've said out loud as a mom?

I think there'll be a few weird things. Um, loads of those. One I never thought I'd say is stop drinking out of the dog's water bowl. I can imagine that that was an odd one when they had an argument about Nasim eating zas imaginary sandwich, and then eating all the imaginary sandwich ingredients. I said something along the lines of the imaginary supermarket is open and I will buy more ingredients.

And then Eza said something and I said, no, the imaginary supermarket is always open. And I thought, why am I playing alone discussing? And we had a rule in the bath. I thought, I'd never say this. This amused me when you said it. Mm-hmm. You can only touch you own tails. Do not pull other people's sales. I was a, and I thought you, I go afterwards and you like, I never thought, I never say this.

I never thought I would have to say that. To, to boys in the bath. I dunno what, just, I would say another one recently that I've found I've never thought I'd have to say in public is, no, I will not show you my nipples right now because Sophie's just discovered. We sit in the bath together and she wanted to know the word for what that was.

So it's a nipple and she finds out very exciting. Now, every bath time it's ah, nipple and we have to like talk about them a lot, but it, she doesn't realize you can't go out. Just sitting in the, at a restaurant and suddenly she wants to see a nipple to talk about it again. And I have to say no. I'd say we can't show our nipples at the table.

Sophie girls do do that. 'cause Lily had a whole phase where she'd compare our bodies because she was going, girls have boobs, I have boobs. You have boobs. And I was like, yes, girls have boobs. And then she was going. But boys don't. And I was going, no. And then she was like, can I look at your boobs? I was like, sure thing, buddy.

But the nipples also applies to Rob. So he also has to leave his top up to show he has nipples. Look, Lily has no interest in Ian's body because he's a boy, and therefore it's not the same as her. And he's the freak of the house. So she's like, why would I, why would I wanna look at him? Um, so I'd say that's, that's one of the odd ones I didn't think I'd be saying, we are, do not show our nipples.

Mine's not in a restaurant that odd, but it's, I because you, you both have this problem that I've talked about recently, the podcast with Lily's poos recently. Oh yes. They're really hard and just get, I never realized how much now Lily talks about poos a lot because we've been going like, you should probably like if you saying like, Lily's been really constipated.

They know this is a regular listen as it was on an episode. If you aren't a regular listener, Lily was very constipated then She was scared to do poos. It was a whole ordeal. I was bribing her. This is, I'm a big softie with lots of treats and stuff that didn't, it worked to do one or two poos. Do you know what worked in the end?

This is what's crazy. I filmed Lola doing a poo on the Poy. Because I told Lily one day, oh, lly did a poo on the potty day, and she was ready, brave. But Lily, Lily went, do you have a video? And I went, Nope. And then I thought, next time she's doing a poo. So I filmed Lola doing a poo on the pot, showed her it.

She watched it like 10 times. Then she was fine at doing poos on the potty again, although she thought was that little thing can, and then to go, I'm doing a pula Lola. But anyway. Elliot, do what you want. With that, add it into, now we have a lot of conversations about poos, but I also didn't realize because we've been giving her a lot of, um, like positive feedback about poos that, uh, she shook the light was on.

Otherwise we'll be talking for no reason. Yeah, I'm all worried it stops over there, but because it's blinking, it must be working. Um, I say was my, sorry. Can try and kill mosquitoes. Um. So yesterday, luckily we're in France, so I'm hoping nobody understood, but we in the toilet and I did a poo. What a beautiful poo mommy.

And I was like, I was like, you, it's magnificent. I was like, oh yes, it's, and she like, I'm so proud of you, you are very brave. And we have to do a big hug. But now. If she does a poo like, and I'm not there, she says, Sally like, should we take a picture? And he is like, no, can I go show mommy my poo? He's like, Emma, can you come up and say these actors that, and then she goes to him, she's going to say, it's beautiful.

So I have to go up and go, oh, it's a beautiful poo. I just say, I must say em, not to worry about her basis of conversation, but I have been spoken to at least seven to 10 times regarding. Lily Lily's poo. She has to move like a cow. She does have to move like a cow. How we got rid a be scared. We move like a cow.

A she's a big great girl. She's, um, every time I take her the toilet, I say, you don't have to do poo. And she goes, look, I've done one. Isn't it beautiful? Yeah. So I have to play along. So I would say it. I wouldn't say it's diminishing. I would say I myself, just from the couple of occasions have heard a lot about it.

It is now quite a big component of conversation. Yep. Which before Poo didn't really come into conversation with Lily. Uh, no. Now it's a big deal in the household who's done a poo? Everybody gets, does done a poo gets a big round of applause. But Elise's a positive, positive. Well, I think Elise, we're over, over the scaredness.

It's now just become a bit of an event. She was even telling EAC the other day and EAC went, was it ginormous? Well say, maybe it'll help. 'cause EACs got a bit of a problem as well. You know, EACs always constipated, but you know, boys, they don't wanna be told it's beautiful. It's humor.

Wow. How did such a little boy like you? Such a ginormous p And then come excited because. That was his terrible Bri get sweetie if you do poo. Oh, I dunno. Us too bad. We were getting dresses. I like dresses. He won't flush it. He has to show me. Yeah. 'cause otherwise I'm, might he just come out and say he's done a poo and he unt he goes, I said, look, and he goes, it's ginormous.

And I go and then he go, do I get too sweeties? And I go, no, you don't get. More sweeties besides you just get one sweetie doing. I, I do. He's like, is it a proportion of the amount of poo? I do. I one was like, no, that's not, I'm sorry, Elliot. This was a rather p conversation, tangent for this question about poo as well.

It, it wasn't even about, it was about, it was about weird things that you didn't think you would say. Well, I didn't think I'd be saying how wonderful a poo was. No. Yeah, that's true. I could've run it. The mind, I didn't think I'd be looking at toilets going, wow, that's gin. Oh, that I'd be so obsessed with other people's bowel movements.

Or you're going, you go to your partner. When was the last time so and so poo? And if neither of you can remember, you're like, yeah, it's bad. Yeah, we have that. Sometimes we go right. Well, the next one's not gonna be good then is it? Oh, I was looking back over our text to each other and the amount of texts.

They're like, he's finally ped. Hooray. I would say if you have a dog, it's sometimes funny that you're not sure who you're talking about. Sometimes you'll say, have they had tea? Has she had tea? That could be Sophie or the dog has she had a poo. Today. Could be the. Sometimes you have to clarify the conversation, which are we talking about?

Yes. And sometimes the answer is both. It is both. Both.

But we'll, we'll finish the Pew conversation there. Once again, Elliot, do with that what you'll, because I get, I think he thought this was gonna be easy. I think it's gonna edit this more than any other thing in about edit. It's just gonna say, was recording a podcast later, so, I mean, don't dunno if it actually helps.

Oh. What's the most embarrassing thing your kid has ever said in public? Oh, I wouldn't say we've had a lot of embarrassing things yet. Well, her talking, not like she just started talking, so like, I'm just impression there's anything, what I, I find embarrassing is that she's just, now she knows like, mommy, daddy, granddad, grandma, et cetera.

Mm-hmm. She a, anyone who is a man is a daddy. Anyone who is a woman is a mommy. But if you're an older man or an older woman, you are a granny or like granddad, grandma. So it's like her judgment of age is quite, so, she very much will based, based on her idea of appearance alone, how, how old someone will be.

So we have a neighbor who is a father. Hmm. But Sophie is convinced he's a granddad. Mm. He doesn't look that old, but she convinced he is. So now when we see him, she's like, oh, a granddad. I'm like, no, he's a daddy. He has two children. He's a daddy. And then she go, no, it's a granddad. So I, I find that embarrassing.

I don't think anyone actually would mind, like I said, 'cause that's new to talking. That's maybe the only thing I found embarrassing so far. I'm trying to think. Lily's found to Embarra. Well that, and if she's in a restaurant and she's saying, mommy nipple, that's probably embarrassing as well. Embarrassing.

Yeah. Oh, I'll tell you what was really embarrassing was, um, Eza told his teacher that I called him stupid because I told him, oh, do you remember this? Yes, I remember this. Be a whole ordeal. I'll say. He still mentions that she calls him stupid. Before this story, I, I did not call him stupid. In fact, she said the opposite.

I said, it's a long story. We were running late to go to a football. We, both of them are football. On a Wednesday. We were learn to go football. We had to rush back from a friend's house, get changed into the four football kit. He's, again, is gonna really, he's like a P himself because sometimes he's co constipated that he holds it in and then it just.

It comes out. So then I was washing him and I got some fresh clothes on. I said, right, go close. Go wash your hands and I'm gonna get everything else ready. For some reason, he can wash his hands perfectly. Normally. Turned the tap on, flooded the kitchen because he just let it run and there was plates in the sink overflowing.

I came downstairs and there was water like lit, literally water. I was gonna say dripping, but it wasn't dripping. Running towards the, over the kitchen cabinets, onto the floor where there was like already a pool of water. And in my, yeah. You know, shock, shock state of Shara. I said, Isaac, you are not stupid.

I said, you are not stupid. You have eyes. What is going on? Mm-hmm. It's like, turn the D off, blah, blah, blah. Whatever. He bursted into tears and said, you called me stupid and was laid on the floor in the pool of water.

This was like two weeks ago. That's very recent. It was, this story will make everyone feel better about their lives. So I had to then get him in new clothes for his football. We were, we were horrendous. We were like half an hour late. I'll say, you were great late then. And, and, and even now tells everybody doing your teacher.

He, he says, he tell his teacher in front of me. I was really sad yesterday because when we said I was stupid, oh. And I said, I didn't say, I said, you stupid. And at the time I was so, he was so upset. I said, I'm really sorry we don't use those words. I apologize. And now I think he's, it's given him some kind of validation that he did say it.

It did say, and I said to the teacher. I didn't say that, but it's not stupid. And she was like, oh, it's okay. You know, let, we always take whatever kids say with a grain of salt. I know. Like you're, she. We've known, she was my eldest teacher as well, so she knows me. I was just like, and they came back and he said, I let my teacher much better than you.

I was like. I could have, I could have been like horrible and really lost it. Mm-hmm. I had the 10 month old that was sat in the water as well. It wasn't just him with water. I had the 8-year-old that was shouting help, help. And I had him screaming 'cause apparently I'd called him stupid. I mean, some parents would've been like really out, really music.

Yeah. And I was, I really tried to hold together and just get everyone to football. Yeah. So that was very embarrassing. Mm-hmm. Like, so I think Becky's won and it was embarrassing when we got to, um, football. And he told his coach there'd been a flood,

but he wasn't wrong, was like, he was just a flood of his own making. And I was still so kind of PI wasn't in really want to talk about it. You were like, I can't talk about it right now. I just realized as we'd left, Ali still was like soaking wet socks because I turned on her clothes, but I must have forgotten the socks.

So I was taking them off. Luckily it was what was taking them off and squeezing water out. I was just like, what is my life? How did you get here? And then the coach was like a flood. And I was like, I don't wanna talk about it. You were like, not today, but antisocial Madam Banney. Right. Now we will look at another question.

What is the strangest thing you found in a diaper bag? Are they as Americans, I assume like the bag you take, you know, around your kids? Yeah. Yeah. I can say it's not that weird. Well, it can maybe is, um, shells, um, I'm definitely gonna win this, but go on. Lily likes collecting shells, but mainly it's like girly stuff, like hair clips, hair bobs, oh, oh.

At one point, conquerors. We were obsessed with conquerors, so wherever we went. We had to collect them and then me and Elliot got obsessive even though she wasn't there. We'd collect them because we were like, oh, she's gonna love this when we get home. We'll be such good things because we've got loads of conquers.

It did take us ages to get anywhere though. 'cause when you walking down the street, she had to collect every conker she could find. I think ours is often like stones. She definitely has a bad stone collecting. Well, not, it's not a bad thing necessarily, but when, when you come into our house. On the right hand side, there's like a little console table and half it is covered in stones that it's collected.

That's like, like sticks and stones. That is somewhat of an issue. Also, sometimes in the middle of the day, she'll go up to her stone collection and pick a couple of stones, then run around the house with them. But you don't where she's gonna put them. And then sometimes she's crying sat because she can't find the stones if she ran around.

Yeah, it's so pro stones. There definitely be stones in there. Um. The other thing is anything that she determines someone has a value to like that someone like for example, well for example, when we last in, when we were in Berlin a couple of months ago, we were at a restaurant and it was a new restaurant and we'd had a nice meal and they were handing out like cards to advertise and they said, please leave us a review.

Uh. We were like, yes, of course it'd be lovely to leave a review. And the woman handed me the card and Sophie snatched it. Like, oh, this must be precious. Yes. And I thought, well, we'll never leave a review because this card will be lost within seconds. Mm-hmm. The rest of the holiday, every day we went out, said card was in her hands because she had deemed it valuable because this person had given it to us.

Yes. So you would probably find like. A receipt that's like Lily or like train tickets, that kind of thing. You know, something like that Lily, like them think must have had a value 'cause it was given to us. So something that, so nothing that odd really. No, that's why I'm waiting for your thing. How hard's yours Frog.

Frog living frog. Yeah. I think that would've shocked me. But you know, at one point we were doing our thing where. We raised Pols, the frogs. Oh, this is what I mean. She has too many animals. Yes. You are raising tadpoles. Yes, because we technically, I'm confessing to crime. It's technically illegal to do this in France now, but we took frogs born from a local pond and we raised them home with the idea to take them back.

Mm. And they got quite big. So we're gonna take them back. And for some reason Isaac thought to put one in my bag. Were you out when you found it or in the house? Oh, we were on our way to put the frogs back in the pond. Oh, well at least you know it was there. Well, no, but like no, we'd we'd done that. Oh no.

It was back in the car and he obviously thought, no, I'm gonna keep one of, didn't wanna back you open your bag. Don't frog. That's the weirdest thing I've found in that. That does win. Yeah, that's definitely, definitely one. And he tried when we were at the zoo to put a baby. Chick in my bag, but I caught him.

Oh, he, he's a lover of animals. I say. He also thinks we don't have an animal. See? Yeah. If your children were to describe you in three words, what do you hope they would say? Oh dear. And then, then I wanna put, what would you think? The same reality. Well, Sophia's limited words. This could be tricky. Um, well, we know she's got nipple.

Yeah. Firstly, one word would definitely just be mummy. Mm-hmm. Because that's one of the words in that she would associate the most with me. What other words would she say? Often we say like, oh, that's nice, or That's pretty. So I would maybe hope something, you know, vay really not too, um. I dunno what the words we have really, to be honest.

Sorry. You, you can have two if you think that's the most accessible. Um, no, at, I would like her to be able to say so. Well, that's true. I would like her to, well, happy, that's one of her words. Mm-hmm. And I, she does say like, if she enjoy something, she go like, Sophie happy. Oh, that's sweet. So I'd probably like if she said I was happy because I would like to think she normally thinks mommy's happy.

I don't reality. She could say anything. She could say. She could say nipple, she could say, sometimes we pretend to be doggies and go, but she doesn't ever say you are mean, wouldn't she? No, but she doesn't know those words. Yeah. So they wouldn't be an option to her to say them. Um. So I, I would be positive, but I dunno how many negatives other than the word no.

But she knows because he's like, but it is a prominent word. It's a word she likes to use a lot. She might say mine. Mm-hmm. She likes, she's just learning like possessive. Mm. So she, she would say mine maybe. Okay. What about, well, you've got a lot of kids. Well, the baby wouldn't say anything. Well, I was gonna say, it's like Lola, the, the smallest one can't say anything.

She just sees me as a provider of milk and cuddles. She doesn't really see much more. Um, it depends on their mood. I'd like them to say, oh, she's a kind mummy and she's very creative. 'cause like I do loads of different things with them and I'd like to think that they thought I, no. Um, loving, caring, loving, or brave?

I, quite honestly, they either like can do stuff outside of them as well. Mm-hmm. But I think what they would say was probably that na do you know, NA recently told me I was a ringing this life, so, I mean, and we've just heard either that was me teacher, so it depends on their mood. He like normally says I'm very nice.

Mm-hmm. And he says, I'm beautiful and cuddly. That's nice. The oldest one, rare. I get a compliment from the 8-year-old. Sometimes he says I'm smart. Uh, but he actually says I'm a spoil sport. Oh, a spoil star, spoiled sport and no fun. Ah, that's usually what he calls me when I'm not ruining his life. Mm-hmm.

But he did tell me the other day I looked 99 and I only had one year left to live. So I dunno so bad. That's charming. I think he's going through the age where he is there just testing boundaries, testing boundaries. Once again, Lola can't talk, so she wouldn't say anything. Um, Lily, I would hope would say fun.

Because I do a lot of fun things with her. We should maybe ask them later. We should. We'll see what they say and I can update afterwards. Yes. It's only some days when I've had to be a bit strict and then she's like, I want daddy. I would say Lily's definitely very, um, mommy centric because Oh, she is. If Sophie's sad, she'll say, do you need your mommy?

Oh, do you miss your mommy's cuddles? So like she thinks that's the go-to. And she often thinks like if animals fly away, she goes, oh, they're going to their mommy and daddy now. And I go, oh yes, they're going to their mommy and daddy now. So she's worried that we've seen an animal and it's left. She thinks they must have gone see their mommy and daddy.

So yes. Should we go, go on to the next question? 'cause we're gonna go on and Emily's gonna be saying, we have no material to work. Oh, no, it's, we've given them far too much. Really? Um, oh. Have you ever ca called each other in a panic over a parenting crisis then? What was it? Yes, but I don't think I called you guys, but I think we do do this a lot.

It's like I would say all the time. Yeah. Kirsty, when she, Sophie was little, she used to scare her. Unstuck. Oh. Between the, um, bars in the cots, so, yeah. I remember she went, does anybody had this problem? And helpfully we all went, no. None of our kids ever did that. Which is not helpful when your go-to source of problem solving.

Yeah, I haven't experienced this. We literally were like, actually, no. Yeah, like I'd been previously because I was the last one out, my sisters to have a child. I had all this expertise to help me. So previously it was something like. Teething, nappy, rash. Any little worries I had. Yeah. I didn't need to go far.

I could ask and I was, you know. Yeah, I was gonna say I chat often. It's a picture of like, your kid's bum. Like does this rush look about Yeah. Like normally I get answers and or when, um, Lily was first constipated. Oh yeah. It was like you was speaking to the experts. Yeah. Yeah, because I was like, what we gonna do that with our kids a lot?

Mm-hmm. But yeah, the COT one wasn't great because I said, does anyone have the problem with their child constantly gets their arm or legs stuck through the bars in the cot and then you're worried. 'cause this was when she was quite small. Yes. I was worried she'd roll back over and like injure herself because she wouldn't be aware if she was stuck.

Yes. Or she'd like try and get out and hurt herself. Yeah. Yeah. But I think, um, we call each other a lot for like, advice on things we do. It's probably me more so to the, to others or like, I think. You two more recently have been asking questions back to me because I've been through, yeah, yeah. I was just discussing this and more recently with Elliot.

I said it's quite handy having kids, different ages. 'cause now we're starting again with Lola. We're like, well, what do we do at this point? Do you remember? I'm like, well, Kirsten, you'll remember. It wasn't that ago for her. Like it feels like a brain log time ago. For us, I think it's more I call more to be like, tell me I'm not a horrible person.

Mm. Yeah. Becky's is often like a sanity check to be like, would you react like this? Yeah. Am I crazy or is this like too much for one person to deal with? Or like, or I'll say, what would you do? Yeah. Like if I'm not sure about a parenting decision, I'll be like, oh, you're like, how would you react to this?

What's the best way forward? So it's not like specific examples. I'm trying to think when I last said it over often of parenting crisis, but, uh, I dunno. Well, the P one, I was like, Hey, you, you guys always have constipated kids. Yeah. Yeah. And you both were like, wait, just probably 'cause she lives off a diet chicken nuggets.

But I think you both were like, yeah, we haven't really found way out. We like, we can give you the techniques we have for like, making it like slightly better. You were like blow the candle. Blow bubbles. The bubbles. Yeah. I sat in the toilet. Put your feet in. Well, in fact, we found, uh, the YouTube lady going, Moo.

Partly if you do moo, when you're doing poh, it makes it easier. Well, it's like when you're giving birthday too, you should. Yes. Um, everything about that is just, I mean, pregnancy is the most attractive time. It lies most of times. I can't think when last time in a parenting crisis. I think often I just ring and be like, no, you're normally like, you won't believe what happened today.

Yeah. Normally it's just, normally it's just like shared trauma. I'm trying to think. Parenting crisis, what was the last one? It was, it's normally like, it's normally medical. I'm normally saying, yeah, what's this rash look like? Yeah. Or she's had a high temperature the last few days. No, my, I tell you exactly what it was.

My last parenting crisis, it was medical. It was when me and Rob and Sophie were in Alec Cante. Oh, yes, yes, I remember. And Sophie had started with a rash on her cheeks that was raised. Mm-hmm. And I was saying to Becky like, do I need to see a doctor? Do I need to go home? Home? Yeah. What I, how serious do you think this is?

Because Becky has worked at nurseries with young kids. Yes. For a long time. So she has seen every illness around that age, so I just wanted, obviously. For anyone says like, oh my God, obviously I always go to a doctor, blah, blah, blah, blah. Obviously if she was in such a state, yes. If you are really concerned, it's more you don't wanna jump the gun.

Yes. Yeah. Obviously if I was actually that concerned, we would seek medical help. Yes. But I didn't want to be. Overreacting. Particularly when you're in a foreign country and you're like, it's gonna be a, a big ordeal getting to a doctor. I approach, 'cause we have Hadactually had to take Sophie to hospital in a foreign country before when we were in Italy, when she was like, yes, that was bad.

Nine months old. I now try and not go to that place in my head where we need to go to a hospital. I try underplay it. We're still going. I would say the last parenting crisis was when I called Becky to ask about a rash when we were abroad. And she did say it was slap cheek. Yeah. Which made a lot of sense 'cause all her symptoms had been before with the temperature and blah, blah blah.

And we enjoyed the rest of the holiday and she was fine. By the time we flew back, she had no rush at all. That was my prior crisis where I rang for help. Becky's normally the all knowing ones because she's got the most kids that had kids the longest. I just more share the trauma of like, you will not believe the day I've had.

Mm, yes. And then if I'm, if I've had like a little cry because I've been so overwhelmed, I'll be like, would you have cried? Don't feel overwhelmed. There was one point when Lola was really ill with her Castle Prote. And um, and then Becky had a thing where they thought Alia had a heart murmur. Yes, that's right.

And wonderful week we go, right, it's my turn to cry today. You don't cry on the phone. I'm gonna cry, tell you upset. You ought to be the support today. And then the next day she'd be like, well, it's my turn to cry on the phone today. Yes. We can't cry, so we just take turns. It was allowed to cry on the phone to this person.

I know that was, that probably was the last crisis because. You'd had the same thing with Sophie? Yes, absolutely. Yes. Yes. Out of my three kids until my last one, I'd never been told anything about, like they heard like a heart moment. But I also think maybe the NHS in this case was very, um, they didn't concern me at all.

They just told me it's perfectly normal to have a heart moment, so. I dunno if the French were too overzealous in explaining the possible problems. Yeah, I think whereas NHS was, I was essentially told nearly all babies have a heart moment when they're first born. It's not a big thing. It will be checked again and if it continues to be present, we will do some.

Whereas I was told like, oh, we are hearing this extra sound and you shouldn't be hearing this extra sound. And it can be this or it can be that, but it could be serious. So we're gonna send it for a scan. And of course as a mother could be serious very quickly. Turns to, is absolute serious. Like you don't wanna hear.

It could be at all. Right? And so, yeah. Can I do one last quick fun question? Yeah. Okay. Is there serious questions after this or is this it? I think that's all be it. Oh, that's all right. I've done enough. Um. What TV or movie? I'm going to say film 'cause we're not American. What television or film mom do you secretly relate to most?

Oh, I know which television or film? Mom, because I wanna say chili 'cause I love Chile. I'm not like, no, but I'm like, she seems quite successful. She's got a good career. She seems to play sport at least a bit. Yeah, she seems like, and tell me what chili TV has. Auntie's got a social life. Yeah, she's what I was gonna, that was gonna be my point.

Life. She goes to a baby shower. Yeah. Yeah. The last time I went to something was with Kirsty. My mine and social life is mainly each other. Each other. Yeah. Chile has it together. Yeah. So I'm like, it's probably not Chile, but that's what I'd aspire to. Um, I'm trying to think what other, oh, do you know who I.

I think Good. I know who you are, but go and say, I think it's like, you know, from Desperate Housewives, Lynette Scarborough. No, I was gonna go with, is it Malcolm in the middle for you? That's who I was gonna go with. You know, we've just started rewatching that recently. But no. 'cause she's actually a psychopathic Becky.

Some of the questions have this too much information. We were playing a funny game the other day, so where you answered some of those questions was psychopathic because she enjoyed punishing her kids. I didn't enjoy punishing them, but I think I'm like Lynette, where I'm just like, what the hell's going on?

Yeah. Yeah. And the basis is a good mum, but it's sometimes overwhelmed and she, yeah. You know, like in the episode where someone's told her, leave the kids on the side of the road when they start. And do you know when we drive to Morocco? Yeah, because that's the same thing to do like a three day drive, three children.

And there was one point. Tell em how long does it take to get to Morocco from France? It takes about three days. Three days to drive. So letting people know how insane it, um, we had a tea baby on one side, me in the middle, and then Za, who is the loudest 4-year-old in the world. Oh yeah. Me and him can confirm this after a holiday with the, and he can't help it.

He can't help his fault. It just a loud body, naturally on a noisier level than everyone else. And I had a migraine. I was just like, I, well, I wouldn't have put them on the side of the road, but I considered putting myself on the side of the road. I remember you said you stopped at like a service station.

You and I were like just doubting pills of like, we were just stuffing like loads of paras and coffee. Were like, we got such bad, oh no, this was, this was worse. It was like halfway through and I was like, I. I need to get out the car. And he was like, we're on the motorway. And I'm like, if we don't stop the car in a minute, I'm gonna go say, but he's like, I will lose it.

You won't have anybody say anymore. And he said as he was driving, he'd like one eye looking behind him, like, is she just gonna jump out the car? This was like the last day. I was just like, I can't, no. I tell you what, I know who em is though, you know? Um. If you watch Bluey, you know like the hippie mom? Oh, she so is Indie's mom?

Yeah, IN'S mom. Oh, what's she called? I dunno what her mom's called. But you are that one who is like baking cake. Yeah, true. I think that's the one you are. That's who you are. That's quite a nice one. I like that. That's super. Yeah. Who do we think Kirsty is? Don't say Marge Simpson. No, you're not like her at all.

I was thinking she has a dog. I'm trying to think of like bluey references, but there's no other real, like it doesn't have to be, it could be like. No, but I don't watch many things anymore. I think what, um, you are like, um, cocoa's mom with all those kids, Emma is now referring to Becky again, like I'm cocoa.

I think Kirsty could be, um, no, this is an odd one. You're kind of like Sheldon's mom. Not in the religious sense, but that she's like a really caring and quite kind mom. Like it doesn't matter that Sheldon's like kind of an oddball. She kind of like works around everything to make it work. I think we with that or I was thinking, um, when she says Sheldon, she means Sheldon off the big bank theory.

Yeah. People don't know. That's true. I've lived Elliot constantly tells me this time, some people are in my head. No. You know who I think she is? You know the mom in Downton Abbey? Oh yes. Who always is like, well, you know, you've gotta let them live their life. Yes. That's why I think she's like, because she's very like.

Accept like, oh well, you know, they've got, you know, like, what you gonna do? Whatcha you gonna do? You gotta explore it. My husband goes very American about this. I can't talk. Yes, I think you are very like that. Like she has certain, you know, rules if people dunno, we've been talking about data a lot today.

Substrate. I really like Downton Navi. Me and Becky have a problem. Yes. And me, cury would our like self-soothing is to sit and watch next episode. Yeah. There's honestly, you guys and Ellie would've a fab time together. He loves down Avi. I think maybe What advice would you give your premium mom? Oh. What advice would you give to a new mom?

A new mom or a mom that's struggling? I would say make it more inclusive. 'cause it was just new moms. You can struggle at any time. Yes. That's just, yeah, trust me. Amen. Preach to the choir. How long have I been a mom? Almost nine years. If I was giving advice, I would say. There's one thing in a blue episode that always, always makes me wanna cry my eyes out.

It's the end of baby race when you're saying, yeah, you are doing a good job. And it always gets to me because I think. Everyone put too much pressure in themselves, whether it's dads mom, and you always see you doing a bad job. You always feel like you're failing your children at times. Not always. Oh no.

Sometimes I think I do well, but you always, there's always times where you're like, oh, better. And there's particularly times like, I remember this woman, Jeremy made me cry. We'd had a terrible flight with Lily. People were though Lily was horrendous. Honestly, the worst. I can't imagine a worst flight with a child.

You never see more broken people have plane. I. You did really well. You said really calm and I was like, but I think I was also like, I've had the, a tortuous journey. Yeah. She's been really nice to me. When I felt like the whole time I've been in inconvenience with everybody, with my child. I think so I, I think I would say however awful you are feeling in the moment, you are doing a good job regardless of what you're doing.

I think also like the fact you're feeling awful shows you're doing a good job. Yeah. Like if you didn't care, you wouldn't be bothered. And I would say don't be afraid to take. The easy option. Sometimes like, yeah, I think sometimes you're like, I'm not gonna give them any screen time, and I sometimes you're like, but they have to have this many veggie date.

Like look, which if they eat, it's great. Like we've had a week where they weren't eating. If they go to eat, it'll be fantastic. Do you know, I think sometimes you get such into like a, I must do this and I must do that, because that's what people say to do. I would also say, don't be frightened to be selfish sometimes.

Even if it's just for your happiness in the household. Yeah. Like me and Rob recently were saying there's been so many studies about co-sleeping and we were saying, you know what? Probably would be better if we had co-slept with Sophie a bit. All the studies seem to show that it's better. They're not confident.

All these other things. And I was saying, but the interview end of the day, you have to weigh up. Yeah. Is your sleep work is our time as a couple. Mm. Important enough to sacrifice that, but that also means we're a happier home. Yeah. Yeah, I agree. If you and your partner or whoever, yeah, your unit isn't functioning and happy, none of it's gonna work.

I also like say you can't do everything and your children do not need everything. No, but my like, so, 'cause for ages with Lily, all our friends were doing like, um, baby sign language. I felt so bad, but then I was like, you know what? We're doing like early party training. We try and do like activities every, like I can't possibly, if I tried I couldn't do that as well.

Yeah. What kids remember is like how they felt. Like, I remember when Na, during COVID and I was working from home and I thought, NA Miss had an awful day. 'cause it was about four. All we do all day was laminate things for work because I had to send in work and I didn't have time to really do much with him.

And when I came home, he was like, we had the best day. I was using the laminator and they're, I used scissors. And I was like, he had a fantastic day. Yeah. I spent the whole day like, I'm such a horrible parent. Mm-hmm. And he didn't need, he didn't need a toy, he didn't need a screen, he didn't need anything.

This is, is, and then online you'll see people like. Oh, and I got this and I got that. And I got that. Yeah. And I'm like, it's just puts pressure on me then I need to work hard to buy this. To buy that. Yeah. To give them a good life. I don't think I ever feel like that. 'cause I think I don't have room in my house for any of those things.

True. I think, I normally think you've got plenty. Oh no. We, we keep doing checkout. Checkouts. Checkouts, like bluey. And so I'm like, how have we done a checkout and we still have so much. A, I'll say it. 'cause I'm always buying a tidbit so I can, the thing is, it's very difficult when you, I think when I worked a lot, I bought more stuff.

Right. So in synopsis, Becky, what is your parenting advice? I've said mine. We've gone on a tangent. Becky's mine was don't try and do everything. Yes. Just do what you can do. Achievable. Yes. I would say don't be afraid to ask for help. That's a good one. From anyone. Like teachers, strangers on the street. No, but I mean like, I just think sometimes like at work, some parents are afraid to say like often when they're bringing a kid to the nursery they'll be afraid to say they haven't slept well or they dunno how to get 'em to sleep well or they dunno how to get 'em into routine.

Or they dunno how to introduce solids or, yeah. And I'm like, of course you don't know. Yeah. You haven't done it before. How you, even if you've done it before, each baby's different. Yeah. So like of sometimes they'll say like, oh, well I know I have an older one, but I've forgotten. And I'm like, fuck. Please ask.

We're not gonna be like, oh, you're a terrible parent. Like, because you didn't remember, because you don't remember how to do something. Or also the, the advice changes like when a kid a few years ago, it's gonna be different. There was one kid I remember, he came in every time and his nose was like, was really gunked up and she just never been shown how to properly like flush out their noses.

And I remember, I dunno, I know how to flush out my nose. I was thinking, I don't think I've ever done that to Sophie in my life. Come on, teacher. How do you flush out those? So you get, like in France, serum cheek is like a sterilized, I've never had, is that funny spray where you No, no, no, no. There's like a little thing with sterilized water.

I've also seen the things you, and you can like lay them on their side and you flush the nose out. But I've never done that. It's not, not all kids needed, but this kid had constantly, like, I think the only time we've been shown to do that was in Italy when Sophie. Or maybe its European thing anyway, and I remember the mum, she, every morning she said like, oh, I'm so, I'm sorry, his nose is like this.

And I'd say, Lord, just, I said, oh, did anyone actually ever show you how to do this? And she was like, no. And I'm like, oh, well come over. Yeah, come. Come on in. Come in. And I'll just show you really quickly. But I would say along with that, don't take loads of different advice from different people. Mm.

Because then you'll feel like. It'd be overburdened. Yeah. Stick to one method of thinking. Ask someone who you trust. Trust and respect their style, and you'd like to be like them and say, look, I'm gonna ask them. Yeah. But don't be afraid to ask. I think sometimes you think, oh, everyone else knows what they're doing and I dunno what I'm doing and I'm just gonna have to muddle through.

And you're like, no, everyone struggles. Also, like if you're in public and there's another mom, they're gonna have wipes and nappies and everything. Yeah. Or ting match. It's like, it's like if you are in a bad situation Yeah. Every other mom's gonna have something. Yeah. Yeah. So you can go and ask them. Yeah, I've done that before.

Well, I'm normally the mom that if I see someone struggling, I'm like, would you like this? Because I can, like, I've been out there without wipes before and it's terrible. Or if you see, if we've done before. When someone's leaving the park and they say the park's closing. Oh yeah. And I'll go, yeah, I'll go.

Yeah, we'll go in my, they're closing. I'll play along. We're just going in a second too. Yes. We are going. Yeah. Let's try now to it. Yeah. We just all feed into the line. Yeah, we are, we are stopping. Um, how do you, how do you think they should sign off? How we're just gonna phase it out. Thank you everybody for joining us today and a very, once again, ramly as expected.

I hope someone got something from any of that. It's good. I think even people might like that you've just got a dog. 'cause uh, we never talk about animals 'cause we don't have any. It is just her sibling really like that. People say it's ridiculous. Woman on this podcast and she, she says they like siblings.

Lexi's a lovely dog to her. Yeah, don't wake the baby. Sh should we do a song?

Thank you for listening and joining us today. Special thanks to Becky and to Kirsty for agreeing to be special guests on today's episode. Do feel free to join in the conversation and let us know your thoughts on the topics and, uh, stuff that was discussed. We look forward to seeing you next time. Well hearing you ne no, not hearing you, uh, you hearing us next time, but for now, that's it for today.

God bless. Sleep. Well, Les, do, do, do, do, do, do. I don't. I don't. I don't really know our theme tune. How does our theme tune go?